After my trip to the park I stopped talking. I couldnt see why anyone would want to talk to an insane person. It was weird though, I felt so normal on the outside, inside was I any different? Did those people out there know pain like me? Did they suffer every night in their dreams?

I stayed curled up in my bed and didnt eat. Penny tried feeding me but I wouldnt open my mouth. I didnt even blink. She wasnt there. I couldnt see her. I couldnt care.

Michael continuously tried talking to me. Sometimes he would just talk and talk about anything. I learnt to block him out but that meant I could be attacked by that night again. Not listening to Michael meant listening to Timothy scream inside me. I felt tears prick my eyes and drip onto my pillow. It was like I was carrying Timothy inside me. Like his soul lived in me, reliving what happened. I did love him.

"Alison?" Michael saw my tears.

I didnt bother to wipe them away. Why bother to move when I hadnt for two days? Anyway, I dont think I could have moved my arms. My stomach called for food but I wouldnt eat. If I couldnt kill myself the normal way I would starve myself. I had to get out of here. I had to let Timothys soul out of me.

***

The Doctors got worried. Even the amazing Dr. Thompson visited me and tried to make me move. I slept a lot after a few days. Not moving from my foetal position. In my dreams I was forced to live out happier times of my life with Timothy, only with unhappier endings. Things never worked out happily in my head.

I was condemned inside myself. My thoughts constantly prosecuted me and found worthlessness where there was none. I could have come out with thousands of reasons why I should die. But the thing that gets me the most is that I found a way to blame myself for what happened.

If only I had called out. If only I had told them Timothy was helping. Tears fell from my eyes again. I could cry until I could cry no more. There wasnt enough water in my body for it to waste it on tears. The day my period was due came and went. I remember my science teacher telling me that when women staved themselves their bodies found a way to preserve energy. One of those ways was to stop making periods come.

***

I was sleeping when they forced the pipe into my mouth. I woke up and almost choked. Water was forced into my mouth through the tube. I couldnt fight. Thy held my mouth closed and my nose. If I didnt swallow I would suffocate. No matter how I wanted to die my body reacted by itself, swallowing the water like it hadnt had any for weeks, which was almost true. They waited before giving me food. If I were forced to eat too much at once I would throw up whatever I had just had, oh well.

***

I sat in my room sullenly. I hated myself for swallowing that food. I hated that my body recovered. Although I was thinner and my skin paler I was defiantly healthy, at least thats what the doctor had said. Great, another month of living. Michael brought me more gifts. One in particularly I actually liked, well I liked the chocolate too but this was different. The doll.

It was a rag doll. I named it after my pet cat that had died many years previous, Olivia. I took to Olivia, losing many years of my life, as I became a child again. I filled up my time acting like she was a real person, having childish tea parties and girl chats. I dont know why I started acting like a child again. Maybe because when I was younger the incident hadnt happened.

Olivia was the best friend I had while I was there. I wouldnt have to speak, shed know what I was thinking and shed smile at me. A reassuring smile that never faded.

I liked my doll; I had liked my cat too, before she had died. My cat had been like the sister I never had. Now the doll was.