I fingered the bandages around my wrists although the doctors had said not to. I had failed. Timothy was still trapped inside me. I could still hear his screams. His fear as he found the knife and-

"Alison." Michael was popping his head around the door. I looked up at him without any emotion.

I was feeling so drained. Emotionally, physically you name it I was tired. My eyes had given up crying but not for a while, my red puffy eyes showed that.

"Alison Im so sorry." He sat down on the edge of my bed.

Sorry? What did he have to be sorry about? I was the one who had cost Timothy. It was my fault.

He looked down at his feet when I didnt answer.

"W-" I had to cough to clear my throat, I hadnt spoken for so long.

"Why?"

He looked at me, his eyes were watering. Did men cry?

"I failed you. I should never have taken you outside. You were happier before, you hadnt tried to kill yourself in months." He sniffed and looked at his feet again. He seemed like a little boy just apologising. 

That had to be something that broke my little, already broken, heart. He had cared. It seemed so. Right now he was coming to me as a friend and not a doctor. It could have been a doctor trick but this seemed so compassionate. Did he really care?

"I didnt try to kill myself because of the park." I lied. Well it was partly because of the park but the incident had been the main cause, that and that I had realised how I had kept Timothy lost inside me.

He looked at me again. "Why then?"

"Because..." I trailed off. The scream echoed in my mind. Could I tell him?

***

"It was a party. We had invited some friends over, you know, a rave like. Timothy was holding it at his house. His parents were out of town and cause it was so near our last class he felt he had too.

"Brian, Timothys friend from school, I had seen him a few times; he brought the drugs and stuff. Everyone was so high by the end of the evening. Early morning was the time when everyone started leaving. I was saying goodbye to Jennifer when Brian pulled me into the kitchen. I could tell he was high, not thinking straight. He asked me to sleep with him and he made a move on me. He touched me all over. I was high and drunk and it took me a second to realise he was touching me and not Timothy. I pushed him away. He fell onto the knife holder. He was drunk. He pulled out the sharpest knife he could. He held it to me and said if I didnt fuck him he would kill me. I refused. I didnt think he was serious but he moved forward, stumbling slightly and said he meant it. I pushed his arm and told him to fuck himself. I didnt realise what had happened for a second. I only knew that something hot was falling onto the floor. He kept pulling it out and pushing it back inside me again. He shoved some more pills in his mouth from his pocket. A second later he realised what he had done. He kept saying Oh fuck and looking around. It hurt so much. My hands were stained with my blood, and the floor was covered with blood. Everything was red. Timothy was calling. He was calling for me. Brian didnt know what to do. He kept saying "Im sorry Im sorry". He heard Timothy coming closer. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out more pills. Some dropped on the floor into my blood. They were different. He kept taking them and saying he was sorry."

I stopped. I was crying again. My words were coming out as harsh, choking sobs.

"Timothy came in. He saw me on the floor. Brian dropped the knife and ran. He didnt get to far. He had a heart attack, his panic mixed with the pills. Timothy was screaming. He was screaming so loud. He picked up the knife and kneeled in my blood. He was crying. He put his hand on my cuts. There were flashes of red and blue light. Timothy was screaming. I kept bleeding. It wouldnt stop bleeding. I was crying. The police came in. Timothy jumped up, he was still screaming and holding the knife. They saw the drugs and the blood and the knife."

I was crying so hard I had to stop again. Everything replayed itself so clearly inside my mind. The whole night. The red. I started screaming out the words.

"They didnt even ask him! They didnt even give him a chance. They pulled out their guns! He screamed. They shot him! His blood flew everywhere. They didnt even give him a chance! They didnt ask him! He landed next to me on the floor."

I choked on my sobs. Two arms wrapped around me. Michael was holding me. I cried so badly. I had relived it. The first time I had told anyone.

"They hadnt given him a chance. I had loved him so much and they just killed him." I whispered.

Michael shushed me. He rocked me backwards and forwards. I felt so free. I had told him. They didnt have to think Timothy had done anything wrong now. I had told someone.

"Itll all be better now." Michael whispered to me.

I believed him. It would be better now. Now I could finally let Timothy go

The End